A Kiss is But a Kiss
by Emma CS Me
Summary: Karofsky and the jocks are still tormenting Kurt, and throw him into the dumpster. Knowing Karosky's reasons doesn't make it better. It makes it much, much worse. /possible trigger warning; sexual violence.


**Author's Notes:** Written for the glee_angst_meme; the prompt: "Karofsky's violence and threats are escalating. Every once in a while he slips in an innuendo or subtle flirtation (i.e., the wink.) Kurt has always been aware of how much bigger and stronger his bully is, and now that violence (even just shoving him against the lockers) carries a sexual overtone. No actual non-con of any sort - just Kurt's awareness that it _could_ happen. Knowing Karofsky's reasons doesn't make it better - it makes it so, so much worse."**

* * *

A Kiss is But a Kiss**

Kurt really, really much prefers winter to summer. Mercedes rolls her eyes when he says this, and Finn looks at him like he's crazy, but it's true. Snow has romance; people spend less time outdoors doing things that confuse and bore him; his clothing can be more elaborately planned. All in all, it appeals.

Of course, there are some problems with winter. Namely, that the moldy residue of week-old garbage from the dumpster becomes a little more affecting when the chill blows it straight through to your bones.

Right now, he's being pinned against the dumpster by some meathead jock he doesn't even recognize. Of course, the old familiar faces loom in the background, forming a circle to prevent his escape. Karofsky is at the very back, appraising Kurt with an eye that makes him shudder.

He's not expecting anything _truly_ horrible to happen. Not out here, in a parking lot where even the most apathetic of Lima residents would have to notice something. Not in crowded hallways, where the bustling high school system dictates that as irritating as his encounters with such people are, they're lucky to hit the sixty second mark.

"You really need to find some creativity, boys," Kurt says, affecting bravado. "I thought you moved on from this months ago. None of you can really do the toss like Puck used to, anyway."

"You know a bit about Puckerman's _tossing_, huh, Hummel?" says the guy in his face, and Kurt rolls his eyes – although the slang is obscure and foreign, so maybe the boy gets points for that.

"Anyway, you've been getting gutsy lately – putting up photos of that homo in your locker where anyone can see 'em," Azimio says, taking a step forward. "Thought we'd take you back to the classics, 'cause they actually kinda worked once."

_Hardly,_ Kurt thinks. But then Karofsky takes the lead, shoving past them all and gripping Kurt's hair. Kurt wants to cry out for its sake, but he knows that really won't do him any good.

"Look at him. Barely even knows how to fight us off. Hey, I guess having a whole bunch of guys shove him against the nearest surface and leave him completely at their mercy is his fantasy, but–"

The crowd erupts in raucous laughter, and Kurt feels sick. It wasn't even a very _good _gay joke. That's not exactly what worries him, but...

He tries to send Karofsky a look with his eyes; something like _don't you dare, after what you did to me – if you still have no respect and insist on being desperately self-loathing, are you not in the least bit scared of me outing you to our peers?_ Obviously, he's not communicating well – Karofsky ignores him entirely, fading into the mob mentality.

Deep down, Kurt knows he's too compassionate and too empathetic to actually do that to Karofsky. He took eleven years working up the courage to admit who he was, even though deep down he _knew_ it was already widely-known. Karofsky's sexuality would come as a complete shock to everyone; it came as a complete shock to _him_. It's still probably something of a shock to Karofsky. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, and Kurt still finds it terrifying, but he can see Karofsky's struggle and do his best to leave be.

The unknown guy backs off and Karofsky takes him by the shoulders, slamming him against the dumpster wall harder. Kurt gasps despite himself, and Karofsky smirks.

"You like that, huh faggot?"

Kurt flinches as the jocks chortle. To everyone else, Karofsky's words are cruel barbs, nothing more. To him–

This isn't–

It's just–

Karofsky _kissed_ him. Kurt hadn't asked for that kiss, reciprocated it, or liked it. All it did was teach him that Karofsky _wanted_ him, one way or another. And from that point on, he felt that knowledge prickling at the back of his mind _all the time_ – when he found himself slammed into another locker, or just loomed over menacingly.

Karofsky grips him by the shoulders and leans in a tiny, almost unnoticeable amount. "You smell all pretty, Hummel," he murmurs – Kurt can't even be sure the other jocks heard that. It makes him shudder.

It was foolish to follow Karofsky to the locker room that one time; 'courage' or not, isolating yourself with a person who has physically and emotionally tormented you non-stop for the best part of a decade is never a good idea. He should consider himself lucky he received a _kiss_, and not some kind of violent attack. And yet...

This – whatever it is – is not just projected self-loathing to Karofsky. It's _sexual_. It's a screaming match and a kiss. A hurtful epithet and a wink in the cafeteria. Group abuse and shameless flirting. Kurt's somehow gotten all caught up in this warped hate-sex-love-_gay_ process in Karofsky's mind, and it _terrifies_ him and he wants _out_ now.

"What is that, some kind of girl's perfume? Think that'll do you much good when you're covered in, like, french fries and dog shit and tuna casserole?" Karofsky says, and the jocks laugh again.

Kurt tries to weasel away, but Karofsky's grip on his shoulders is too strong, and he slumps in defeat. "Please, just let me go," he says – and he makes himself shiver when he realizes what he sounds like.

That _would not_ happen. Karofsky, for all his faults, wouldn't take it that far – Kurt has to have faith in that. Those sorts of things just _don't happen_ in reality, outside of Oscar Bait movies.

And yet, he knows Karofsky wants him and is rather unhappy about wanting him, and not particularly concerned about Kurt's views on _any_ of this. He blames Kurt for his own emotions; Kurt knows that, and could see the guy wanting to 'punish' him. He's already part of this violence is sexual and sex is violent mechanism in Karofsky's head, and he knows that's one of the tenets of rape culture – and oh god, how did _that_ word wind up in his head? He can associate many horrible traits with Karofsky, but not that one. But... there's no real reason _why_, other than comfort. It may have been only a kiss, but it proved the boy's ashamed lust and disrespect for Kurt as a person – what would _stop_ Karofsky just taking what he so obviously hates desiring?

"Come on, guys, let's get a move on," calls Azimio from the back of the crowd, and suddenly someone is lifting him by the ankles and Karofsky is gripping his shoulders to toss him in properly – Kurt's exhausted himself so much with his own reverie he can't even be bothered fighting it. He winds up whacking the back of his head on the side of the dumpster. _Ow!_

The jocks laugh at him from their clean positions. "Later, Hummel," says Karofsky. "Make sure guys finger you first, or whatever."

The heard walks off in laughter, and Kurt sits up – it's close to trash day, so the garbage has piled up and he won't have to struggle to get out. For now, however, he stays there and rubs the quickly-forming lump on the back of his head. It doesn't seem too dangerous, but yet painful. He sort of misses the days when Finn and Puck were the ones in charge of this sort of thing. They foreshadowed their later developing Hearts of Gold natures by actually always putting in the effort to make sure he couldn't get really hurt.

Kurt remembers something, and it makes him shake again – back in freshman year, before Glee and before Finn started learning how _not_ to be awful, Kurt had _so_ many fantasies about the true reason behind his bullying. Believing – _wishing_ – it was all the result of Finn's repressed desire and sexuality, and eventually it would all just _explode_ in some fit of passion–

Those old fantasies make Kurt uncomfortable for reasons much beyond the pseudo-incestuous nature of his old crush.

What if he liked Karofsky back, despite everything? Would he be okay with this? Would this sexual undertone to the bullying not _bother_ him?

...Kurt doesn't think so. This sexualized violence is terrifying in any case, and he really believes his self from two years ago was just naive not to recognize that.

This... is this _dangerous_? Beyond the level he is used to, that is. Kurt doesn't want to think so, but every time Karofsky throws him against a locker nowadays it does make him desperately check they're still in a crowded hallway and wonder if he can steal Rachel's rape whistle without causing a hysterical hissy fit for the ages.

Kurt does his best to climb out of the dumpster, and looks up at the sky. It seems like it's going to rain – which should make it less obvious he's descended back to dumpsterdom, if nothing else. Another benefit of winter.


End file.
